"Tonight, we eat victory pie. For if we lose, there will be no more pie." Ba'al, May 608

Submitted By: Jorgan Von Strangle

While telling a dramatic and very serious story:
Antar: "And then the dragon nommed the void."

Submitted By: Stephanie W.

right before the hail started falling from the tornado in march.
i was walking through the trails when i walk up on 2 pcs fighting each other
pc1 "i strike you with an ice bolt"

Submitted By: Crosswind

Said by Lord Kellis after killing a group of Undead Trolls that came from the direction of Sudbyr
Kellis: "Wait, did those Undead come from Sud.."
Munsun: "What?"
Kellis: "Nevermind" ::walks away::

Submitted By: Chris Haley

Ptolemy: This is the skull of my father, I keep it so I can always
remember him and always... hold him in my heart.

Wild Elf: You hold father in HAND.

Submitted By: Chad

Troll Song! "I kill two dwarfs in the morning, I kill two dwarfs at night, I kill two Dwarfs in evening and then i feel alright! I kill two dwarfs in time of peace, and two in time of war, I kill two dwarfs before i kill two dwarfs and then ikill two more!"

Submitted By: Singing Trolls

While playing my goat wilder at the 2007 festival, I was standing outside the tavern doing an impression of the Afflack goat. A guy walked out and said "Hey goat, you got a lighter." I responded with "Naaah", He shook his head and walked back in.

Submitted By: Steven M

As Sudbyr was hanging out in the shadows behind the tavern, a group of three monsters come up. The acting Baron Lamec ask the monsters what they are doing, and the monsters simply reply " trying to survive" Lamec agrees that is a fair goal and states that if they do not attack the Sudbyr, Sudbyr will not attack them. Further into the the conversation Lamec ask the monsters what they are looking for, food, shelter, or the like. Then the monsters reply " well.. actually we are monsters" and Sudbyr begins to laugh quietly, when asked by another member why they were monsters in the first place the monster group responded " because our characters are newbs" at that the entire group broke out in heavy laughter

Submitted By: Keith Head / Cadicus

2 trols came walking up and Cub was with us and she was crouching down. the 2 trolls said they wanted the crouching tiger! i immediately responded well watch out for the hidden dragons. the 2 trolls got scared and started looking around for hidden dragons. It was soo funny.

Submitted By: Seer

Well as it was town was empty and a few of us were sitting in front of the Tavern Sparing and cutting up..well one of us went around the side of the tavern and started screaming and running around back to the front of the cavern screaming something about red glowing eyes..then Plot came around and were OOP(Out-Of-Play) all of us on the porch then started laughing and stuff

Submitted By: Aaron(Crim)

Illithids were running around town dominating people, when one came by me on the AG outter ward. I (playing my unseelie) told it to wait up and walked to the ward looking down.-this is what followed

Me: Hey! wait! I challenge you to a staring contest. ready? 3 2 1 go! *and i look up straight into his eyes.*

The Illithid: ... domination gaze...

Me: ... resist-you blinked!

I then sat back down and the Illithid walked off.

Saturday Morning, shortly after waking up and eating at the tavern...

Yui (me) walks up behind Orianna (the MWE daughter of Yui) and Kisike (a human friend of the two) coming from the direction of the tavern. Both girls sit up from laying on the ground as Hoshi and Iko stand and talk to one another. Orianna, now on her nees, pauses and looks down, head tilted, confusd expression, and pointing.

Kisike raises an eyebrow, still half-laying on the ground, propped up on her elbows “What..?”

“How in the world did a muffin get there?!” Orianna exclaims, pointing at a half-eaten muffin that was not there a few seconds earlier.

Hoshi, Iko, Kisike and Yui burst into a fit o laughter.

Several events ago I was eep bashing and when several monsters came out of the woodline. One of the monsters was armed with a two handed sword, makeing eye contact both of us charge and do identical upward swings at the same time for a perfect simultianious nut shots. We kind of just stood there for a second and then gave identical squeeks and fell over sideways. The resulting conversation went somthing like this.

Monster: you all right?

Me: no, you

Monster: no.

Me: you think if I just lie here for a bit something will kill me.

Monster: if you feel like me then I dont think dieing sounds that bad right now.

me:...not really.

Submitted By: Matthew Haecker

(While I was playing a slime thingy for a newbie mob)
"smish smish, smish smish,berserk vemon."

*hits the tapped healer.* *The Healer rushes to the person in from of her and...*

"First Aiding 1, First aiding 2..."

Submitted By: Rory(Ookamai)

Achira the wolf wilder had just came back into town with two new sarr and one new unseely, Vex. Vex, Achira, the two sarr, Rion(the bear) and Dyanni were all sitting in the tavern a bit afterwards, enjoying each other's company when Achira's abnormally long dreds get in her way and she has to flick them back. Vex looked at her, arched a brow and stated "Well that's a lot of hair..."
Achira grinned and retorted "Well I'm a lot of wolf".
At that moment everyone had to go oop and have nice good laugh.

Submitted By: Shyla(Devyl/Achira)

At the Healers guild around 10 oclock, to ogres amble out of the woods grumbling to eatch other when they see people sitting on the porche to the guild. Sudennly they ran up to the porch and start asking for Rok the Ogre Knight. after a few minuets of conversation The guild master lowers th ward to whisper something to the ogres and they both fall asleep. The guild master searches their bodies, then walks back behind the ward raising it. a few seconds later an orc shakes awak an ogre. "Wh.. mmmm hrmmm..... What the hell?!!!" a confused look spawns over the ogres face as he see's a small orc look at him. "Hey, you two go ever there to the other side" he said while pointing to the otherside of the porch "And lets get em".

With adumnfounded look on his face he rouses his friend. "ROARG!!! what in the,.... I'l gill em! let me at em!" Bellowed ogre number 2. "Hold on.." grunted ogre #1. He searched his pouches "I think we've been robbed" Then they both looked at the two scrawy orcs as they roared in unison "ATTACK!" but before they could do anything the healers guild porch burst into laughter as the ogres fell asleep again.

Submitted By: Josh (Orkish one)

Munsun, Dwyden, Galanis, and I were all sitting around inside
the Healer's Guild with Munsun and I sitting in chairs in the
resurrection circle.

Suddenly Dwyden yells "Maelona! MOVE NOW! COME THIS
WAY!"

We both jumped forward and across the room and looked back
to discover the GIANT wolf spider that had been about to land
on my head. After everyone stood around for awhile watching it
Munsun grabbed his sword, muttered "Prepare to die, SLAY" and
swung at the spider.

The spider disappeared, I went up on a couch, and everyone else
was looking for the body. Just as everyone realized the spider
had been liquified on Munsun's sword I gave the helpful advice,
"Make sure you get its life tag!"

Submitted By: Maelona (Josi)

Saturday Night prefeild battle around midnight I was sent to the Celestial Guild with a celestial knight. We were sent off looking to see what we were under the impression, was a greater undead. Upon reaching the road to high town we turn and see Paul Troy and about 20 others, all with green and red glowing objects.
Aalasandros: "Oh f*** me... I call upo... wait a second.. What do I see?"
Celestial Knight during my speech: "Oh hell.."
Paul Troy: We aren't here.
Me OOP: "Damn it Paul! You scared the hell out of me!"

Submitted By: Aalasandros

Michael and Wyndblade are talking about random stuff, when Wyndblade speaks out against the dwarf ever getting any.

Wyndblade: "Support your local Armorsmith's, have your Dwarf Spayed or Nuetred"

Michael: "...i hate you"

The majority of Sahde is hanging out in the nobles Cabin, and Tairis and Jorgan are both sitting on one bed.
Baron Keres-"Baronial Decree. Tairis, you and Jorgan are now married."
*45 seconds later*
Baron Keres-"Baronial Decree. Tairis and Jorgan are now divorced."
Tairis-"Jorgan, I want half of your stuff."

Submitted By: Leland (Tairis)

*Daemon and Laurice(sp?) are walking through town when they witness a random monster hit the little warrior Aragorn with a sleep*

Aragorn after realizing what has happened: "HELP me i'm asleep!...someone come wake me up, i'm asleep!"

Laurice after a short silence: "If he's sleeping, how is he talking?"

Daemon: "He's one of those rare ones who can sleep-talk"

Submitted By: Wesley(Daemon)

Michelle/Iris, a fighter I refer to as Ranger boy, and myself were all sitting around at the Armor smith at 6 am on Saturday of the 4 day.

Aalasandros, "So yea, we're all just sitting around..." OOP Plot Member (Ian): You feel cold and Scared. Aalasandros, "What the f***.." OOP Plot Member (Ian): 10 body, 10 body. Iris, "What just happened to him?" Ranger boy, "I dunno."
Iris, "I grant rest and warmth to cure light wounds." Aalasandros, "WTF happened!" Iris, "Did you forget to breathe honey?"

Sunday night at the four day event, many of us were hanging around the Healers' Guild due to the rain drinking and cutting up. At one point Rok and Sir Keplar were both muted and putting on somewhat of a mime show. Then when one of them spilled wine on one of the women, she remarked that she needed someone to lick it off as she walked inside the guild, Davyn lowering the ward and raising it for her.

Rok and Keplar are fighting over who gets up the steps first to follow her in, of course neither able to lower the ward due to being muted.

Davyn: "Inner ward down."

Keplar runs inside as the ward lowers, having gotten ahead of Rok.

Davyn (quickly): "Inner ward up!"

Rok smashes face first into the ward and stumbles back, setting everyone on the porch into a fit of laughter.

Submitted By: Scott E.

"My first SOLAR combat session, and I nearly took his face off!!!" ~ when Kai was leaving cabin and was beset by a solitary "goblinoid" that charged into my pole arm face first.

Submitted By: Charles Williams

Lord Scyld and Lord Sarc are sitting in the tavern discussing Sarc's parentage.
Scyld: "I heard that your dad can voice command ghosts."
Sarc: "No voice command, he just controls them. I hope he unlocks my breath weapon soon."
Scyld:"You have a breath weapon? What is it?"
Sarc: "Oh, ya know, whatever. CONE OF OGRES!"
Scyld:"Can you control the ogres?"
Sarc:"Not unless they are ghosts. But if they hit something hard enough and die they become ghosts and then I can control them."
Scyld: "Good to know."

Submitted By: Brian Bentley

Random Clanthia Citizen - "Are you a townsperson?"

Assassin - "uh....."

Random Clanthia Citizen - "Quickly, Are you a damned townsperson?"

Assassin - "Yes, I'm a townsperson."

Random Clanthia Citizen - "Ok, good, keep an eye out....(turns around)"

Assassin - "Assassinate"

Submitted By: Ron

*Daemon,Jade,and an unknown Truell were standing around when a dog size squirrel walks by*

Truell: \" Hey!, come here little squirrel...
*no response from the squirrel*
Truell: Hey squirrel I said come here.

Daemon: \"I pin you to the very earth\" *Hits squirrel with spell*

Jade: \" What was that for!? It\'s just a little squirrel!\"

Daemon:\" It wouldn\'t answer the Truell!\"

Truell: \"I\'m not even a Druid!\"

Daemon: *sounding indignant*\" I don\'t care if it had to speak bloody gibberish out of it\'s butt, it was spoken to so it should answer!\"

*everyone drops laughing*

Submitted By: Wesley(Eruvun/Daemon)

Overheard on the Healers Guild porch Saturday night at random intervals between Michael and Rossa.

\"Awww she is so cute when she sleeps, she looks like a corpse.\"

\"No, Rossa isnt Wyndblade\'s body guard, she is his BOOTY Guard! ACK!\"

\"Hey Mark, your bleeding\" \'I am?\'

\"The Lady Poison infests people...and those arent curses people are infested with...\"

\"Cecil the Retromancer, with his Disco Magic\"

Later down in Rossanoe town: \"We are Team Reject, our logo is Cecil.\"

\"Now Cecil, dont you feel insulted, your not even worthy of being made fun if, we are making fun of Wyndblade now\"

Submitted By: Mark

Saturday night of the event, Kelida, Egrim, and Varassa are finishing getting ready. All of a sudden, some random goblinoids show up out side.

Random Goblinoid: Get off our dirt! This is our dirt!
Varassa:Hold on. Let's see if we can negotiate this.

*Varassa grabs weapons and runs outside*

Varassa:10 magic, 10 magic, 10 magic.

*He drops both of them and comes back inside.*

Random Goblinoid OOP:I thought he said he was gonna negotiate.
Varassa OOP:Welcome to Drae negotiations.

Submitted By: Jessy

*Eruvun while monstering during the fieldbattle towards the end of the july event as a goblin*

Eruvun(goblin): I kill you all!!!

from behind: \"with mystic thread I bind you fast\"
*Eruvun walks back towards the woods and is unbound by an orc shaman*
Eruvun(walking out of the woods): \"alright now i\'m really gonna kil...*Eruvun walks back towards the woods after getting bound again is quickly unbound once more*
Eruvun(now thoroughly exasperated): I\'M SO CONFUSED!!!
*entire field drops laughing*

Submitted By: Wesley(Eruvun)

While in the tavern:
*Eruvun is sleeping on the bench in the tavern with all his friends surrounding him*
Jade:\"are you ok little drae?\"
Eruvun:\"Yeah, just a little tir...arrggghh!
*Eruvun jumps as Rittic gives him a wet willy*
Eruvun:*after a pause*\"...i pin you to the very earth, 2 normal , 2 normal, 2 normal...Never mess with the king of loopy! MWAHAHAHA!\"
*everyone looks on in confused amusement as Eruvun goes loopy on Rittic*

Members of the Garrison standing at Rossano with a very excited member of the fey race (that time of the year.) Synn the fey was trading a broken silver weapon tag for a bever pelt.
What are you doing? Are you trading a silver weapon for a bever?
Its broken. What am I going to do with a broken weapon, and besides ITS BEAVER!
*Everyone laughs*

Submitted By: Will Lester

Garrison April gathering.

Layla, an elf, held a spider funeral. Many joined to pay their respects even the one who killed the spider. All I hear for an hour after that is about the spider. So I pipe up and say, \"If you dont quit talking about the spider I\'m going to do a tap dance on its head.\" Garrison fell silent.

Submitted By: Jade

Another good pun: Heard being sang by Davyn while after he and Tyme dropped some monsters outside the Armor Smiths: \"Tyme...is on my side...yes he is...\"

Submitted By: David (Laith) Monroe

At one point on Friday night Cloud and I were standing just outside of the Armor Smith\'s talking when something stumbled in from the shadows.. Cloud instantly called out \"Zombie!\" and jumped behind it and dropped it quickly.. After using healing arts I discovered it was just a drunk townsperson and brought him back up.. we gave Cloud hell about it for a while, and later the same drunk guy was dragged to the Armor Smith\'s bleeding out again with his legs cut off.. seeing this Cloud instantly stepped back, hands in the air and responded \"I didn\'t do it this time!\"

Submitted By: Scott Ellis (Davyn)

Best pun I heard last Clanthia: Walking with Davyn (Scott Ellis) to the Healers Guild porch where Tyme (Coley) is sitting and Davyn asks, \"Hey Tyme...Got a minute?\"

Submitted By: David (Laith) Monroe

It\'s a cold day in hell when you\'re waking up hot and wet, getting C*** blocked by nightmares and stormlords while their having circle \"parties\" around the tavern.

Submitted By: Coley

Sunday afternoon, Mark is walking with Michelle/Iris while she is deliivering faery bisquits to those who went, or selling them ip. Michael buys one from her, but Mark comments: "Ooo a Maudlin wing" Earning a vehemant denial from Michelle about them NOT being made out of fairies. A short while later, She does admit Maudlin helped make them...Mark dies laughing

Submitted By: Mark

First time rogueing though I'm a caster. I set out with a friend and wait on one of the trails to isles(Hard labor creek). After 3hrs we give up as no one has come down the trail. I say hey man wouldn't it be messed up if on the way to the cabin we were rogued. Sure enough we now each have one of our lifes donated "by a good friend I ran into" to the plain of death.

Submitted By: kevin

Sunday morn after All Hallows, Iris the fae bounces in the smithy with an excited fear: "Master Cupric! Master Cupric! I just learned I was turned into a Revenant last night!"
Rove stirs from a nearby nap to comment: "What a waste of a Revenant."

Submitted By: Greg/Cupric

Overheard on the back porch of the Tavern on Saturday before dinner...

Young boy: "I think I wanna sleep gas Morgrim."

His OOP Mom: "Sure. You can do that."

Young boy: *after thinking for a moment* "No. I don't think I wanna do that to an old man."

Submitted By: Trisha

When the Saguaghain are walking around the first night of the past gather, a group of them approach the pub. While discussing what is going on, one makes an insulting comment calling the people on the porch "Air Breathers"
With a puzzled look, Skii, in a sudden realization that they were in fact "fish" of some sort and fish don't breathe air asks "Then what are you breathing?"
There is a long silence, then Torien turns to Skii and says "Get inside, dont piss off the fish"

Submitted By: Skii

Sunday afternoon Michael and Bessy the Cow are digging up the pub fireplace and discussing the reason behind it. Suddenly, Michael stands up and looks at the Wood Golem construct.
Michael: Wait a minute...what am I doing?" He hands the shovel to 'Woody' "You dig"
Bessy/Michelle laughs: "So we have a cow and a wood golem digging, what are you doing Michael?"
As he is getting a glass of ale "Supervising of course"

Submitted By: Michael/Mark

While sitting in the armorsmiths guild everyone getting slightly loopy after 3 AM the topic of whether or not to eat in or OOP arises.
P.C. 1: I don' want to lose my lunch just because of a random monster in the tavern.
P.C. 2: What are you talking about? You just grab your hot dog in one hand and start beating....
-shocked moment of silence
Wait a minute!!!

Submitted By: Tony

Sudbyr is standing infront of the tavern when Adam , currently monstering, rounds the corner in a grey tabbard. Seeing this, Ryan/ Jamie puts his hand over his face...

Jamie: "Oh no...what do I see?"
Adam, with a grin on his face: "Four foot tall Mist like gobliniod."
Adam: " Behold! It is I, Nib, the single greatest mist mephit of them all. Formerly the second greatest until defeating the former first greatest in a duel to the death, thus making him very dead, and myself the first and single greatest mist mephit to ever live, and this of course would by defualt place the former third greatest mist mephit to the ranking of current second greatest mist mephit amoung them all, however, he will not challenge my greatest mephit hood, as I am invincable and und-"

At this point Adam is dropped rather easily by various members of Sudbyr.

Jamie: "Glad that's over wi-"

And at this point George rounds the corner in a grey tabbard.

George: "Attention!!!! I am now the first and single greatest mist mephit of them all...formerly the second greatest until the fall of...

And at this point Jamie begins hug himself and quietly sob.

Submitted By: Adam

At the one shot a dark fae (Michelle) comes out of the "healer's Guild" and is greeted by an elf (the greater tavern attuned Erin).
After a couple minutes of small talk the conversation goes like this:
Erin: Michelle, OOP, how tall are you?
Michelle: I'm 5 feet tall. You're going to kill me aren't you?
Erin: I just wanted to know how tall you were, that's all.
A minute of silence goes by.
Erin: Hey Michelle, are you flying?
Michelle: No, I'm not. You're going to kill me aren't you?
Erin: I was just wondering.
A minute more of silence goes by.
The leader of the snake oil medicine troupe gives the dark fae a message to deliver to the mayor of Asylum. At this time, there is combat going on in front of the tavern.
Elf: Would you like an escort?
Dark fea: That would be nice. Thank you.
Elf: Let's go this way, it will be safer. (she points behind the tavern)
So after about 20 feet from the guild,
Michelle: (giggling) Erin, you're going to kill me aren't you?
Erin: Why would I do that?
30 seconds later
Elf: I trap you where you stand. (says some other spell) KB1, KB2, KB3. Stupid dark fae!
Michelle: I am so going to kill you Erin.
Erin: Wow, I've never killed one of my friends before.
Michelle (as she is going to resurect for the 5th time): Jee, I feel so special.

Submitted By: Michelle

It's loopy time on a cold night on the Healer's Guild porch.A monster comes up.
Townsperson:What do we see?
Monster:6-foot long slug.
The monster is disposed of..Another one comes.
Townsperson:What do we see?
Monster:5-foot-long slug.
This one is disposed of as well.It continues in this pattern down to three feet.
Townsperson:What's next,30 2-inch long slugs?!

Submitted By: Muriel

Elora and Nyx were sitting on the Tavern porch drinking wine and being drunk. Kurgan comes over to Nyx as she's drinking more wine and shatters the bottle on her lap. Nyx just starts licking her pants. Then she holds out her leg to Elora to share what's left of the wine. As Elora goes to lick her leg, she promply falls off, landing on the concrete. She lays still and people start talking about getting a medic when she pulls herself off the ground and leans over the side of the porch.
"That would have hurt had I been sober..."

Submitted By: Elora

Loopy the racoon is walking around the tavern when he sees a kobold trying to get in the tavern walking behind a townsfolk. He walks straight up to the Kobold.
Loopy: I am recruiting for the Goblinoid Army...
Kobold: Really?
Loopy: Yeah, you want to join?
Kobold: Yeah what do I need to do?
Loopy: You need to pay an annually fee of 2 normal 2 normal 2 normal 2 normal...

Submitted By: Alex Dzioba

It is during the field battle on Saturday night and Alex is monstering as a big templar for the field battle when a guy walks up to him.

Townsfolk: Have you seen the Lions?
Carpathian Templar: Excuse me?
Townsfolk: I just got down here. I run with the golden lions, have you seen them?
Carpathian templar: Yeah here I am. I paralyze you that you may not move. Now where is the Golden Lions Circle?

Submitted By: Alex Dzioba